thus making me awesome and them whores
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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