I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
