Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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