you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
