Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
