Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
