He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
