Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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