areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
