Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
