saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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