I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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