I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I smell like Dick and happiness
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
