I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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