i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
