So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize