There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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