If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they're like a gay fantastic four
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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