Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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