Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
