Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
