Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
