If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
