Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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