she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize