i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love you. Go after that dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
