So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As shirtless as possible
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
