all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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