Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
