allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
two words...techno handjob
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
