Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
