White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize