So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
