Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize