I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We have so much sex to catch up on
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
