White coat. Heels.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
