I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
