I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
