I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
