i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
