the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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