Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
