if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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