and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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