I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
