no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
