somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
