WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
