how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
