I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
