So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
