Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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