you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
