She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
