I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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