She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
