I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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