2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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