I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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