make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
