i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
