the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
