She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
