if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
