We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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