You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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