Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
