I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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