I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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