you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
