He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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