Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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