I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
