Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
