It's like God shit irony all over that family
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize