Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
