The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
