im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
