why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
