accomplished twins. life is a go
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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