Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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