Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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