I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
