We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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