I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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