Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
