Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there was a trapeze. enough said
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize