i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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