Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
