mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
