as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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