he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
