I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
