So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
