we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
