There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
