i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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