Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
