I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
