I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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