Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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