i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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