We won't sleep together?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
