What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
