This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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