Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
