Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
