East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize