Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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