So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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