tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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