We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize