If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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