had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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