How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
