there's paper in my vomit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
