you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
