im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
