I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
