how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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