I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
